


Jakku

by AnonymousJedi



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: AT-AT is where it's at, Basically an excuse to write smut, Ben is a soft boi, Canon Divergent, F/M, Medium Burn, POV Third Person Omniscient, Post TLJ, Post-Canon, Reylo - Freeform, and neither can Kylo, chewbacca & ben reunion, girl can't let the past die, lovemaking in the desert, post Episode VIII, rey gets answers maybe, rey returns to jakku, stay tuned for smut, there is some setup and angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-06-03 07:07:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19458922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousJedi/pseuds/AnonymousJedi
Summary: In the aftermath of their latest encounter with the First Order, Rey temporarily steps away from the Resistance and returns to Jakku to find closure regarding her origins. However, when Kylo shows up hot on her tail, their confrontation isn't quite what either of them expect. (Post-TLJ smut ahead)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> An adaptation of a tremendously enjoyable RP thread I did with @bluejedii over on Tumblr. She is an amazing writer, so major kudos to her!

The scorching Jakku sun seemed to kiss her skin with an ardent glow, her brow glistening with shining beads of sweat as Rey looked over the desert land. It was a heated wasteland, filled with people similar to herself - abandoned and trying to survive. She pushed Jakku to the back of her mind, trying to forget how her parents had abandoned her under the whim of Unkar Plutt. She considered herself lucky to not have been traded as a slave at a young age. However, sometimes she wondered if that wouldn’t have been better. At least then she would have had an actual roof over her head. At least she wouldn’t have had to worry about whether or not she would have enough to scavenge to make that day’s portions.   
  
Rey tried her best to not let her ill-fated past define her; she was now strong with the Force and by gods, she had endured even worse hardships since then. Yet the roads of her journey led her back to Jakku. **“Why…?”** she muttered aloud, her breath heavy as she crouched down and sifted her fingers through the sand. The feeling of the grainy ocean against her fingertips reminded her of her humble beginnings, and she grinned as she thought about her past once again. Every time she took a step forward she managed to take ten steps back. Did she return to Jakku to find some closure? Kylo Ren’s words danced in her head while burning into her thoughts:  
  
_‘They’re dead in a pauper’s grave in the Jakku desert.’_   
  
She wanted so desperately to search every inch of that scorched desert, so perhaps, in the end, that was why she landed here. Chewbacca remained in the ship, guarding it against potential marauders looking to make some credits. After all, the Millenium Falcon was on the watch list of just about everyone in the galaxy. She wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d been followed. However, her own intentions to come back surpassed everything else. Rey needed to know what happened. She would search the planet even if it killed her. Her tenacious thirst for answers coursed through her like the Force. She tried so desperately to break from it but she couldn’t help but to give in. Chewbacca was kind enough to accompany her to the planet, but she would be alone on this journey. Images of Finn, Poe, Leia, and Rose briefly entered her thoughts and she could only pray to the gods that they were doing okay to help garner strength for the Rebel cause once again.   
  
As Rey said her goodbyes to her co-pilot, she found herself trudging against the thick sands of the desert. The wind howled, causing the grainy shrapnel to beat against her skin every now and then, invading her hair, her clothing, and any crevice that was exposed. **“I didn’t miss this,”** she murmured to herself aloud as she shook her head to see a waterfall of sand fall from her scalp. However, she stopped for a moment, as if sensing a presence from behind, just beyond her periphery. Could it already be a trick of the desert heat? No, that was silly. Shaking her head, Rey ignored the telltale signs of a familiar mirage that began to take shape- a dark, vague silhouette approaching on the horizon and growing larger and larger until they eventually came face to face. In her youth, she’d always imagined it was her mother or father returning for her; only to be inevitably disappointed when she squinted or blinked and the vision disappeared.   
  
_‘You come from nothing.’_   
  
Once again the words beat into her head, shaming her of her past. Kylo Ren wasn’t right. She wouldn’t allow his words to be fact. As she attempted to convince herself of this however, the feeling of being followed only heightened. Rey frowned, the crevices of her lips turning low as she gripped her staff and turned around. Her eyes widened - it was no mirage this time.   
  
**“Have you been following me this entire time?”** she asked, looking at the figure only a few feet from her. Rey had let her guard down as her thoughts ran rampant in her mind; she wouldn’t let it happen again.

**“Ever since Crait, more or less,”** Ren replied easily. **“Your actions are far too easy to predict, scavenger. Jakku? _Really_? Your survival skills are slipping.”**

Kylo scanned their monotonous surroundings, squinting toward the distant sun and cursing its wretched heat. It was with great distain that he had trudged through the seemingly endless landscape of sand to get to this point.

Of course Ren had been wise enough to change his clothes in his pursuit of the young Jedi wannabe. His usual black garb was hardly inconspicuous against the tan dunes of Jakku.

He’d bartered for some brown slacks, boots and a cream-colored shirt as soon as he’d arrived on the miserable excuse of a planet. Kylo had cringed in disgust and nearly abandoned his plan altogether upon donning the articles, as the ensemble only reminded him of his scoundrel of a father.

However, the now Supreme Leader quickly shoved any thoughts of his complicated family history aside as he followed Rey, closing in on her primarily out of intolerance for the frankly inhuman environment.

It couldn’t come as too much of a surprise to Rey that he’d managed to find and track her here, considering they both had unfinished business since Crait. However, she was more than upset with herself for not recognizing his presence sooner. Their Force bond had admittedly weakened over that past months, and while Rey would occasionally feel small tugs of energy, she‘d refused to acknowledge them, effectively shutting Ren out. It was there now though- that familiar yet unnamable feeling, pulsing stronger than ever between them.

Rey’s hand strengthened on her staff as she glared at Kylo from no more than a dozen feet away. She rebuked him in every way, but she couldn’t sate her curiosity of him. There was so much she wanted to discuss since the throne room debacle. While he was a monster with an unstable persona to the rest of the galaxy, Kylo was something else to her - an enigma shrouded in black with a hardened past like herself. But Rey refused to admit that they had anything in common.

**“You made your choice, Ben. What are you doing here? What do you want?”** she demanded harshly. Her gaze was fierce, but Rey felt her stomach turn to knots as she met his dark eyes. She’d dare not show any sign of weakness now, but why did it pain her to look at him? Why, when they were together, did it feel like she was falling into an abyss and losing all control?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo begrudgingly set out on a desert adventure, and the more time they spend together, the more their walls break down to reveal the true nature of their connection.

Kylo could feel the heated emotion behind Rey’s pointed stare. She was still trying, albeit failing, to push him away. But denial wasn’t enough to hold off the Force- not for long anyway.

The Supreme Leader’s dark eyes narrowed in frustration at the girl’s implications. But it was Rey’s continued use of his given name that sent him over the edge.

**“Made my choice?!”** Ren scoffed in resentment. **“You’re the one that opted to remain enemies. You’re the one that tried to draw your weapon against me.”** Kylo took a couple of calculated steps forward, perhaps in a subconscious effort to intimidate the victim of his rage. When he spoke again though, his voice was eerie and muted, and perhaps even the slightest bit pained. **“You’re the one that left me for dead.”** His breath hitched and Ben sounded almost offended. **“The Force wills us together, yet so as far as I can tell, _Rey_ , you’re the one trying very hard to keep us at odds.”**

His energy bore into her, relentlessly searching the surface of her mind for an explanation, yet the scavenger couldn’t even maintain eye contact.

The Force stirred electrically between them. Or perhaps it was just the heat of the desert amplifying their already rampant emotions. Regardless, Rey made no effort to explain herself. She didn’t owe Kylo anything. They were both guilty of trying to pin the blame on one another. And it seemed neither of them entirely understood what to do with their strange Force connection. But given their stubbornness on both sides, it seemed unlikely that they’d forgive and forget anytime soon.

With a sigh, Rey slung her staff over her shoulder in a kind of unspoken truce.

A sudden burst of wind sent tiny grains of sand barreling against their skin like microscopic bullets. The sting of the harsh mineral pellets felt appropriate in their absence of conversation. Rey shielded her face and squinted westward only to spy the sun lowering in the sky.

Soon the desert wasteland would become a cold ocean of sand. Extreme heat and extreme cold - both vastly different but somehow balancing one another out. There was no time to waste. Rey needed to find shelter before sundown, and so in an effort to speed things along, she decided to be upfront with Kylo.

**“You told me my parents were dead and buried in the Jakku desert, and I believe you,”** Rey admitted plainly. **“But, I need to see it for myself. Not that you would understand.”**

Kylo knew she was preoccupied with the past, and he could also see that there would be no moving forward until the scavenger got the closure that she craved. Without a word he brushed past her and began trudging through the sand.

**“Then I guess we have a lot of ground to cover before nightfall,”** he muttered over his shoulder indifferently. Kylo almost smirked in the shocked silence that followed. He enjoyed keeping Rey on her toes.

Rey on the other hand, resented the way he blithely assumed that he could tag along on her incredibly personal journey. _Force,_ he got on her nerves! She moved hurriedly in an attempt to surpass and confront him, but Ben’s long strides made it near impossible in the dunes. For the time being, she would follow contently at his side, and even that was no easy feat.

It was quiet between them for a time and in that peacefulness, Rey snuck a glance over at her counterpart. She examined his strong, elongated features and studied the way her saber had serrated his face, pouring down his cheek and towards his neck. It was a solemn reminder for her, yet she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. That was before she had known of Ben Solo; the young man behind the mask of a monster who brought carnage and destruction in his wake, injuring her dearest friend and killing the man whose ship she now piloted.

Rey contemplated whether she would eventually give Kylo an explanation as to why she’d ran away from his proposed alliance. But even if she told him the truth, she wasn’t sure he’d understand.

Eyes straight ahead, Kylo marched forward in content silence. He’d studied the geography of Jakku briefly before landing, but mostly he was just going by instinct. Of course it helped being so mentally attuned with Rey, who was a native to these deserts.

Ben was enjoying the quiet serenity between them until Rey inevitably began prodding at his essence through the Force. He could feel her thoughts locked onto him like a serpent winding its lean body around a piece of prey. The girl really did need a teacher- her mind was an open book most of the time, and every so often he could feel her warm energy brush against his own.

**“So, if Snoke brought us together through the Force, then how come I can still feel you now that he’s gone?”** Rey asked, seemingly out of nowhere. Their connection still hummed within her, and she desperately wanted to be rid of it. It was enough of a distraction when they were lightyears apart. Even after Crait, despite all her efforts to cut ties, Rey would feel vague impressions of Kylo, sensing whenever ice touched his lips, or sweat dripped down his forehead during training. In a strange, unwanted way, it was almost as if they were growing into one person. And their current proximity only saw that sensation growing stronger.

Kylo didn’t so much as slow down as Rey questioned their lingering mental link. **“Because Snoke was lying scum,”** he retorted through gritted teeth. **“Ever hear of a force bond? It’s hardly something that can be manufactured.”**

**“Oh,”** Rey mulled over this information curiously. **“I was hoping you knew how to stop it…”**

Kylo paused for breath and reached down for the canteen that was clipped to his belt. He took a long swig of water and wiped his lips with the back of his hand before replying.

**“There is no stopping it,”** he announced rather nonchalantly. **“I’m afraid we’re stuck with each other.”**

It was only then that he turned his head to get a glimpse of Rey’s reaction. The Supreme Leader paused before screwing the lid back on his canteen, considering a moment before holding the item out in offering.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey comes to the realization that she might be at least partly at fault for their strained relationship, which leads to some heartfelt moments of conversation between she and Kylo.

_Stuck. With. Each. Other._

The unwanted words echoed in Rey’s head and she could feel her stomach drop at the thought. There would always be that invasion of privacy; Kylo’s dark, observational eyes; their worlds colliding at the most inopportune times. The Force truly seemed as much a curse as it was a blessing, and it was impossible to hide the feeling of sheer and utter defeat that coursed through Rey at hearing the truth of their situation.

She noted the hesitance in Ben’s movement as he offered up his canteen and gave a small nod at the unexpected gesture. **“Thank you.”** There was surprise in her voice and disbelief in her eyes as she took a small sip.

Kylo watched as Rey brought the canteen to her soft, pink lips and then abruptly averted his eyes as she drank. They already occupied a mutual headspace much of the time, and yet something so simple as sharing a drinking flask felt strangely intimate.

The scavenger’s brow furrowed at the thought of sharing the same bottle as Kylo. Remembering his own lips touching the brim just moments before, Rey thought she could almost taste him. It was a ridiculous thing to focus on when water was such a necessity, but her mind stubbornly lingered on it nonetheless.

With a small upward tug of her lips that couldn’t _quite_ be considered a smile, Rey swiftly returned the canteen to its owner, knowing they’d have to ration their supplies. Swallowing hard, her thirst largely unquenched, she took the lead this time, trudging forward towards the only place she’d ever known to be “home”.

As they walked, Rey’s mind wandered, contemplating the surprisingly cordial behavior displayed by the man she’d tried so desperately to convince herself she hated. With Luke out of the picture though, Rey felt more drawn to Kylo than ever. She had so many questions, and he was the only person she could think to consult. He would be the perfect teacher- if only things were different. If only the rest of the galaxy didn’t pit them against one another as enemies, perhaps they’d have an easier time coming to terms. But it was silly to dwell on what could have been. With effort, Rey refocuses on the present.

**“We’re almost there,”** she muttered, pointing to a massive hunk of discarded metal in the distance. Its shape was immediately distinguishable, despite being half-buried.

Kylo couldn’t help but smirk at the irony of little miss goody two-shoes utilizing a piece of Imperial technology as a makeshift home. **“Nice place,”** he remarked snidely as they approached the aging AT-AT.

Rey could’ve done without revisiting this particular piece of her past. The mere sight of her lifelong shelter stirred up anger within her, and Kylo’s smart-ass remarks weren’t helping the situation any.

Ben could immediately sense her turbulent reaction toward her past. Rey was more like him than she knew- far too emotionally responsive to be a true Jedi. The realization brought Ren a solemn kind of comfort. Perhaps it was their inevident likeness that had prompted the force bond in the first place. He could see it more and more every day, but Rey remained stubbornly oblivious.

**“Not all of us had a fortunate upbringing like yourself,”** the scavenger snapped back sharply as she unhinged the side of the rusted metal beast. Rey knew firsthand that Ben had endured hardships of his own, but everything she ever owned resided in this AT-AT. Hell, at least he’d had parents who loved him and didn’t abandon him in the middle of a forsaken Jakku desert.

Resentment rolled off Rey in waves, and Kylo was nothing short of stunned by her scolding. Few people had ever spoken to him like that- the primary exception being Snoke, who had not only put him in his place, but verbally abused him. Ben could see that now with some hindsight, and it made him sick that he’d tolerated it for so many years. Rey however, had a point, and her words stung him like a slap across the face. **“I only meant-“**

**“Just drop it,”** Rey ordered as they stepped inside the tarnished hunk of metal. Everything was exactly as she’d left it, with the exception of some extra sand that had managed to sneak in through the vents, no doubt during the violent dust storms that regularly hit this region.

Kylo glanced around until his eyes, like Rey’s, locked onto the far wall full of etched lines. His stomach churned in unexpected empathy as her loneliness momentarily became his own. She’d lost track of the days now after being away for so long, but it hardly mattered. No one was coming back for her anyway.

Tears welled in her eyes and Rey did her best to wipe them away without Kylo noticing.   
  
**“You uhh, you can rest _there_ if you’d like,”** she proposed, pointing to the small cot in the corner. It was unlikely that Rey would be getting sleep anytime soon. She could feel the energy of the Force tempting her to give into her emotions, seducing her to the dark ways that she had previously tried so hard to avoid. Was this how Kylo felt in his seemingly eternal struggle to find peace within himself?

Ben pretended not to see the wetness in Rey’s eyes as it glistened in the dim light. He promptly ignored her offer, planting himself cross-legged on the floor where he stood. **“I’ll be fine here,”** he muttered mutedly. He may have been a monster in some ways, but his mother had instilled enough good sense in him not to make a woman sleep on the floor.

Wanting to avoid any further confrontation, Rey didn’t press the matter. It was going to get cold soon, so she rummaged through some of her items to find a half filled bottle of oil and a burner. _It’ll suffice_ , she thought, chewing her lip as she lit the lamp and then slumped down upon the bed. It was going to be a _long_ night.

Closing his eyes, Kylo indulged in a brief moment of meditation, centering himself after a long day. When he opened them again, Rey was bathed in the gently flickering light of the flame she’d lit for warmth. It reminded him of the night they’d touched hands. She’d looked similar then; alone and distraught. Only the scavenger seemed to have lost the spark of hope that used to burn behind her sad eyes.

Distractedly, Kylo reached into his pocket to retrieve one of the food rations he’d swiped at Niima Outpost.

**“Here,”** his low voice cut into the silence as he tossed the item in Rey’s direction. **“You should eat something.”**

Rey was so engulfed in her own self-pity that if Ben had decided to strike her down just then, he could’ve easily done so. Yet once again, the Supreme Leader of the First Order behaved most unexpectedly.

Stunned by the act of kindness, Rey considered questioning his motives. However she wasn’t in the mood for what would inevitably become an argument. A small **“thank you,”** was her simple reply and without hesitation, she tore into the package and took a large, unladylike bite from the piece of bread inside. There was no need impress with any manners; not when Rey felt starved both physically and mentally. It didn’t go unnoticed though, that Kylo gave off the same sort of detached affection she’d once received from Han. That same rogue-ish charm flowed through his veins after all, and Rey could suddenly understand why Leia might’ve fallen for her husband.

Romance was such a foreign notion to someone like Rey whose priority had only ever been survival. But things were both better and more complicated for her now. She felt things- with Leia, Finn, Chewie, and even Kylo- things that she’d never experienced growing up alone on Jakku. Warmth and comfort, joy and trust. Her friends were good people, but Ben… _Ben_ was the one who’d listened patiently to her disappointed revelation the night she tried to uncover her parentage on Ahch-To. _He_ was the one who empathized with her sadness without once interrupting. _He_ was the one who told her she wasn’t alone. At the end of the day, he was also the one who’d finally told her the truth.

And that was why, no matter the wrong Kylo had done, no matter how much he’d hurt herself and those she cared about, Rey couldn’t bring herself to give up on him. Especially not when he was the one trying to move forward while she was stuck in the past- literally retracing her footsteps towards a history she knew to be true but refused to accept. Hot tears welled in eyes at the realization.

_Kriffing hell_ , Ben Solo was right. She was the one making this harder than it needed to be, and suddenly Rey felt as if she owed him an explanation.

Perched on the edge of the cot, Rey stared straight down at her feet on the floor in front of her, but it felt as if the room were spinning. She began to rock back and forth in an attempt to calm her racing heart as the memory pulled her back to that haunting moment- his arm outstretched, offering her a place at his side in a new order. It wasn’t Kylo Ren before her, but Ben Solo, and as much as Rey wanted to take his hand she couldn’t. While he had killed Snoke, freeing himself of the chains of his past and moving forward, she couldn’t seem to do the same.

“I wasn’t ready,” Rey whispered to herself, as if processing the information.

Kylo’s head perked up from where he sat, sensing the girl’s unease even before she made a noise. **“Did you say something?”**

She couldn’t bring herself to look up and admit the magnitude of her distress. **“When you asked me to join you…”** Rey clarified softly. **“I wasn’t ready to move on. I’m still not.”** The wetness that had been building in her eyes finally spilled down her cheeks and dripped silently to the floor. **“I can’t leave them, Ben. The Resistance is the closest thing to a family I’ve ever had. And as much as I don’t want to fight you, I won’t choose between you either. Don’t ask me to do that.”**

**“Rey-”**

_Please stop._ She begged, not with her voice, but her mind. Their eyes locked from across the room. _I can’t do this right now._

Rey was practically quaking with nervous energy- an extreme unease that Ben recognized all too well. He nodded, giving her the space she needed. They had all night to clear their heads. Frankly it was impressive that neither of them had drawn a weapon on the other yet.

  
Turning away, Rey rolled over on her side, using her hands as a pillow in a futile effort to rest. She closed her eyes and exhaled in an attempt to find the balance Luke had once spoken of. Her heart-rate eventually slowed, but her mind remained gloriously overwhelmed. Rey opened her eyes and immediately noticed the light that danced playfully against the metal wall before her. Its gentle flicker reminded her of the fire in the hut where she and Ben had touched hands. Her breath hitched at the thought.

Despite the drop in temperature, Kylo felt himself growing inexplicably warm. So without a second thought, he shrugged off his shirt and laid back with his arms tucked behind his head, staring up at the stars through a small hole in the deteriorating AT-AT. It was strangely calming to get away from it all- Hux, the First Order… all of it. The Supreme Leader felt like he could breathe for the first time since killing Snoke. 

Rey shifted in her cot, turning to face outward in an attempt to get comfortable. Her eyes couldn’t help but catch sight of Kylo’s bare torso, his skin almost glowing in the dim light of the burning lamp. She had seen him like that once before of course, and almost laughed at the memory of asking if he would put on a cowl or something of the sort. This time, Rey found that she couldn’t stop herself from admiring his sculpted form- examining the scar that ran down his chest and the freckles dispersed across his body. Those things made him seem more human somehow than when he was clothed in black and hidden away behind a mask.

Rey felt a strange comfort in Ben’s presence, just as she had when they’d touched hands. If only she’d been able to experience that peace just a little bit longer. If only they hadn’t been interrupted…   
  
**“Do you ever think about that night?”** Rey blurted quietly but curiously. **“About what would have happened if…?”** There was no need to clarify what she meant. Kylo would know.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo sort through some more feelings. But how quickly will they be able to put their pasts to bed and realize the opportunities of the present? (spoiler: fairly quickly)

A tremor of unease coursed through Kylo Ren at the unexpected query. With effort, he held Rey’s inquisitive gaze; a stern expression upon his face as he considered his response.

_What_ would _have happened had Skywalker not interrupted?_

With Snoke poking and prodding around his brain for so many years, Ben had never had the luxury of indulging in theoretical imaginings. His existence had always been rooted very much in the present, with the future left to be dictated by his former master.

Going back to that night in his mind however, Kylo recalled the breathless and paralyzing shock he and Rey shared as their fingertips met. An undeniable electricity moved through the force around them, followed by a peace and serenity unlike anything he had ever experienced. It was utterly indescribable, yet completely intoxicating. But beyond that, neither of them fully understood what it meant.

**“Can’t say I’ve really thought about it,”** Ben admitted, clearing his throat. The silence that followed peaked his interest. **“Have _you_?”** he pressed.

Rey’s mouth went dry. Why did his response seem to leave a shadow looming over her entire existence? Could it be due to his seeming lack of interest over an encounter that regularly haunted her dreams? In sleep, the scavenger could almost feel his consoling embrace as if it had actually happened. The pads of his thumbs brushing across her cheeks as he wiped away her tears… and that was only the beginning. 

A small, embarrassed smile graced Rey’s thin lips. **“I have,”** she confessed curtly, not wanting to delve into any details. It had been some time since she smiled, and the first time she’d ever done so in Kylo’s presence. The realization only caused a blush to rise in her cheeks and Ben found himself strangely charmed by her chagrin. It was such a small gesture, yet it felt like a milestone in their uncertain relationship. He cocked his head, thoroughly intrigued by her response, but even more mystified by the pinkening of her otherwise pale skin.

It was almost as if they’d been transported back to that fateful night in the hut and Rey felt surprisingly at ease. A strange sensation overcame her; one almost warm and tingly. She’d not felt it before; not when she was around Leia or Finn. This was different, and completely unique to she and Ben.

Rey’s heart skipped a beat. Could he read her thoughts? Could he see the visions her mind had crafted in unconscious slumber? A little effort on Kylo’s part is all it would take to put her to shame. Rey bit her lip and reached for the canteen in an attempt to avoid any further conversation on the topic.   
  
**“Maybe it’s best we leave it at that,”** she muttered, taking a drink and setting the bottle down before wrapping herself in a wrinkled sheet that had previously been shoved beneath her cot. The thin layer of fabric somehow comforted Rey as she tried not to think about all of the instances that could have occurred had things gone differently for the two of them.

_Oh no_ , Kylo wanted to say. _You’re not getting off that easy, scavenger!_ But he lacked the confidence to make any demands of Rey just yet. The temptation to simply peer into her mind was great, yet he knew the girl would never forgive such an invasion of her privacy.

But why did Rey seem embarrassed by whatever it was that she refused to confess? What could she possibly- _oh_.

Kylo’s pulse raced at the mere prospect of it. 

_No._ It couldn’t be _._ Was Rey… _attracted_ to him?

Ben felt as if his stomach dropped out from under him. He’d given little thought to romance through the years- a product of his many years of stringent training. But was it possible that the connection he and Rey felt was more than just a force bond? Could it really be something both deeper and baser?

Kylo wondered if Rey could hear his heartbeat quicken from where she sat across the room, wide-eyed and waiting.

He might’ve been more inclined to consider the girl amorously if one question hadn’t built resentment in him since the last time they were face to face.

**“Why did you turn on me?”** Ben voiced into the darkness solemnly. He couldn’t help but think back on her rejection of his outstretched hand. It was quite possibly the most vulnerable position he’d ever found himself in, and Rey had turned defensive. _That’s_ what hurt most. Not that she had denied his offer- but the fact that she’d reached for a _weapon_ instead. And just minutes after they’d fought together seemingly on the same side. Kylo had never felt so betrayed in his near three decades of life, and he felt as if he were holding his hand out to her again now, begging for answers.

**“I get that you weren’t ready. I do. But you could’ve said no. I wouldn’t have liked it, but I wouldn’t have hurt you the way you tried-”** Kylo stumbled over his words, unable to finish. **“ _Why?_ ”** he asked again simply, eager to understand.

Rey felt her eyes burn with guilt at the memory of his desperate “please”. She recalled the tears cascading down her cheeks as she made the brash decision to reject him and flee with Luke’s lightsaber. It all happened so fast, but Rey had known her place wasn’t at his side…at least not yet.   
  
**“There’s light in you, Ben,”** Rey informed him gently. **“And as much as I want to stand with you… I won’t stop trying to save you.”**

The lamplight danced across Rey’s face, giving her skin an angelic luminosity. She could be truly radiant at times, but then, without fail, she’d open her mouth and Kylo rarely liked what he heard.

Had it not occurred to Rey that in joining him to form a new order, she would be helping her friends in the most unmitigated way possible? The two of them had the power to completely dismantle the current political regime, and yet she fixated on old Jedi ideologies preached to her by his deceased uncle.

Kylo couldn’t understand why Rey was so engrossed by the past when he wanted nothing but to forget what was behind him and never look back. They could probably learn something from each other in that respect.

**“I don’t need saving now, and I didn’t need saving then,”** Kylo muttered resentfully, his gaze turning to the ground. **“I just needed…” _you_.** He thought the last word, as if he hadn’t ever intended to say that whole sentence out loud.

Rey had questioned her decision time and time again, but the pained expression upon Ben’s face shrouded her in a veil of immediate guilt. Her heartbeat quickened and her entire body suddenly felt as if it were burning up. In a moment of boldness, she shrugged off the sheet that had been wrapped snugly around her, climbed out of bed and knelt before Kylo as she quietly studied his face.

**“I’m here now** ,” she whispered in a meager attempt at consolation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we will begin our descent into smut. Thanks to all of you magnificent readers who stuck around!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hand touch, take 2. Rey and Kylo slowly succumb to their blossoming feelings.

**“It was never my intention to hurt you, Ben…”**

Kylo was certainly not the type to forgive and forget, but he also didn’t want to fight Rey anymore. It was becoming exhausting to spar with her because neither of them truly wished harm upon the other. So instead of responding, Ben simply held out his hand to the girl before him, hoping she would take his meaning.

Rey did understand, and she was both elated and terrified to touch him again. The last time had been incredibly brief, but incredibly powerful. Swallowing her nerves, the scavenger slowly brought her hand up to meet Kylo’s, their fingers sort of instinctively intertwining. It felt bold in comparison to their previous tentative brush of fingertips, but as soon as their skin met, it was as if a magnetic field emerged, pulling them into one another both physically and emotionally.

Rey immediately relaxed, trusting the Force for better or worse. She knew that she could be feisty, defensive and headstrong, ever-afraid of letting anyone in. But in the quietness of the night alone with Ben, a gentle wave of surrender came over her.

Like last time, the sensation that sparked between them could not be explained in words. It wasn’t exactly dreamlike, but rather more tangible. There were no visions or sounds; just impressions. Strong, suggestive impressions in the Force around them. As if they knew that they somehow belonged together. As if this moment were always destined to happen. But more than that, both Rey and Ben felt _complete_ in the company of the other; as if their faults- which were admittedly substantial- faded into oblivion, somehow put in balance by the acceptance of their counterpart. 

_Maybe that was the key all along,_ Rey thought as she peered into Kylo’s dark, thoughtful eyes. She’d effectively resisted him time and time again, thinking his darkness would only corrupt her. But Luke had once spoken so eloquently of balance. This- whatever _this_ was between them- felt as close to balance as Rey could ever imagine. _Perhaps… accepting Ben and surrendering to the Force was the answer. But what did that even mean?_

Rey’s confusion was unmistakable. Her walls were down and Ben could feel her life force brush tenderly against his own. In that moment, everything in the galaxy felt right- just as it had the first time their fingers touched.

_So why was it hard to breathe?_

Kylo looked down at their hands and realized this was the closest thing to affection that he’d shared with another person in over a decade. But that still didn’t explain why he felt hollowed out inside. As if his heart were freefalling in the never-ending abyss of his body.

If last time had been a short burst of energy shared in their brief moments together, this time was more akin to a power surge. The longer they remained in physical contact, the more it felt as if they knew each other. Not in the superficial way that most beings engaged, but a more cosmic level of understanding; as if their very souls were somehow exposed.

As if pushed by some invisible force, they both slowly leaned forward into each other; inch by inch until they were eventually face to face. Rey’s breath caught in her throat and she nearly choked. It was Kylo who finally closed the distance between them, winding his free hand behind Rey’s neck and pulling her in until their lips finally met with urgency. 

Rey was not prepared for the soft, wanting feel of his mouth upon hers, and for the briefest of moments, reason told her to pull away. But reason quickly gave way to instinct, and she gradually melted into the kiss. For so long she had hated Kylo, loathing his very being and detesting his actions as he ventured deeper to the dark side. However, with the melding of their lips, she once again felt a glimmer of hope. More than a glimmer: the promise of a future together. It was difficult to fathom but impossible to deny, and her heart ached to make it true. 

The sensation of their light and dark energies meeting was nothing short of overwhelming; electric but soothing; sweet and salty; dizzying yet grounding. Neither of them wanted to stop experiencing the rush of emotions that had currently overtaken them.

  
Rey removed her fingers from Ben’s and moved closer, experimentally running her hands up his bare chest and wrapping an arm around his neck. Everything about their exchange seemed so pure, so raw. She’d only ever felt anything like it once before; during her first lesson with Skywalker when she was seduced by the darkness and surrendered to it without pause. Once again, Rey found herself giving in to her most primal instincts.

She grasped the hair at the nape of Kylo’s neck in an effort to keep him close. The Supreme Leader appropriately deepened the kiss, wanting to taste Rey and commit her to memory forever. When it became difficult to breathe however, Kylo moved to press his lips against her jawline and down her neck.  
  
**“Ben…”** she moaned softly in between his devoted pecks. The helpless urgency of her own voice stunned Rey, finally breaking her trance-like state. She hastily pulled back from Kylo in shock, abruptly shutting him out of her mind in the process. He grabbed ahold of her wrist however, before she could completely get away.

Maker, she was so embarrassed! They were giving into one another so easily, and it felt- well, it felt _amazing_ \- but more importantly, disrespectful. Not only to her friends, but to Luke, to Han, to the entire Resistance… _It was wrong!_ Rey had returned here to find closure, not start whatever _this_ was with Kylo.

**“I…I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me,”** she muttered with labored breath, turning away to hide her face when Kylo refused to release his grip on her. 

The intoxication of their kisses faded quickly and gave way to panic at Rey’s sudden change in heart. Ben couldn’t bring himself to regret what they’d just shared though. In fact, he swiped his moist bottom lip with his tongue, as if to affirm that he hadn’t imagined their kisses. Obviously neither of them was well-versed in intimacy. And their “connection” made it both easier and all the more difficult to navigate their feelings, as everything melded together whenever they looked into each other’s eyes.

Rey could feel her heart pounding in fear; not of Ben, but of what she _felt_ for him. Her cheeks burned in guilt, as she tried regaining her composure. Never before had she encountered such a strong, visceral, and frankly blissful sensation. Her mind was suddenly overwhelmed with unsolicited, impure thoughts of him on top of her.

On the verge of tears, Rey worked up the courage to finally look up at Ben, who was watching her closely in effort to gauge her reaction. Their connection reopened instantly, and he could see exactly what kind of thoughts plagued her mind. 

_Don’t you see what you do to me?_ Rey asked him desperately through their bond. Her face flushed in confusion as she sat there across from him- knowing Ben could see what she craved and unsure of what to do about it. 

Kylo swallowed thickly, trying to process everything. **“Don’t be afraid. I feel it too,”** he assured her calmly, stroking her wrist with his thumb.

His admission seemed to bring them full circle, and the honesty of his words somehow put Rey at ease. A timid smile graced her face as she thought back on everything that had led them here. It was almost beautiful; the orchestration of the universe that is. The good interwoven with the bad that had to happen in order for them to get to this point was improbable. _Luke was right._ The balance was poetic.

They sat in silence for a time, as if still recovering from the shock of what just unfolded. Rey contented herself with simply holding Ben’s hand, familiarizing herself with its weight and warmth.

**“You know,”** she began quietly. **“I’d never kissed a man before tonight.”**

Kylo’s heart nearly burst at the innocence of her unprompted confession. He couldn’t help but feel special- that she’d chosen to confide in him yet again. Never in a million years would he have imagined himself sitting in a rusted AT-AT in the middle of the Jakku desert, across from the mysterious girl he’d once thought to be his enemy.

The faint glow of the oil lamp began to fizzle out, and soon Rey found herself admiring the angles of Kylo’s face in the moonlight. Everything felt _right_. So without overthinking it, she leaned forward to kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The descent has begun! Sorry this is turning out to be such a tease, but I'm having SO much fun exploring the intricacies of their force bond from both perspectives. Hang in there, I promise there is gratuitous smut on the way! I can't wait to see what you all think. Thanks so much for reading :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm before the storm. Rey and Ben admit their mutual desire for one another and slowly give into it. I decided to divide this chapter so that those who prefer not to read the explicit smut have the option to skip over it and still enjoy the story. This chapter is just the build up, NEXT chapter is the smut. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out! I recently relocated and started a new job, so life has been hectic and time limited. But now that I'm all settled in, I couldn't resist getting back to writing! I hope you'll stick around to see what happens.

The veil of darkness seemed to restore Rey’s confidence, and Kylo was thoroughly surprised but equally thrilled when she leaned forward and kissed him again. A shiver of electricity coursed down his spine as her cool fingers made contact with his hot skin. Ben felt faint, as though he might fall over, despite the fact that they were already planted firmly on the ground.

He reached for Rey’s waist, pulling her into him with an involuntary sigh. She felt tiny beneath his massive fingertips, but far from fragile. While he might’ve jested about her humble origins, deep down Kylo admired the scavenger’s fierce determination and will to survive. She was strong in ways he could only ever hope to be.

Every muscle in Ben’s body tensed as Rey began to explore the sea of scars strewn across his back. He’d never been touched in such a way before and something resembling shame settled in the pit of his stomach as she wordlessly learned his marked body. As much as Kylo wanted to be rid of the past, those scars would always be there as a much-loathed reminder of his training under Snoke. He hated his former master for so much as popping into his head at a time like this. So in a moment of complete impulse, determined to divert his train of thought, Ben leaned over and eased Rey back until she was pinned on the ground beneath him. She shuddered slightly and broke away to look up into his eyes, allowing them both the opportunity to breathe.

Hovering over her, drunk on their kisses, Ben was able to make out the mix of curiosity and hesitancy in Rey’s eyes, even in the dark. Her hair had come partially undone in their haste, but she was beautiful and Kylo wondered how he hadn’t noticed it earlier- or rather, _allowed_ himself to notice earlier.

Rey could sense him contemplating her attractiveness and flushed red at the notion of it. She was not vain in the least, but still couldn’t deny the thrill of being on the receiving end of Ben’s admiration. Words escaped the scavenger and her heart pounded in her chest at their mere proximity. It was strange and overwhelming to think that before today, she would’ve easily run Kylo through with her lightsaber for acting so presumptuously. Instead, she was certain of their desire for him, but uncertain of just how to act on it.

The way he touched her was so gentle that she could hardly believe he was the same man who had once pried her mind open with the Force. Rey unknowingly flinched at the thought, her body tensing as she lay there, trapped, beneath him now. However, that had been Kylo Ren, and the man staring back at her now was most certainly Ben Solo. Han and Leia’s _son._ Luke’s _nephew._ And now her _… what exactly?_

**“Rey…”** Kylo reached out and smoothed her hair with the backs of his fingers, letting her name linger in the otherwise silence, still getting use to the feel of the moniker upon his tongue.

The way he uttered her name with such reverence entranced her, easing any doubts or fears she may have had. It was selfish, but she wanted to hear it again and again. Whether he whispered it, moaned it, shouted it; as long her name fell from his lips, she would be happy.   
  
As she stared up at him, Rey couldn’t help but notice the way Kylo’s long, dark hair perfectly framed his pale face. Reaching out, her fingers found the thin scar that had been the result of their first fight. She traced the jagged line from his face, over his shoulder and down his chest where it finally came to an end. An irrefutable solemnness overtook her at the feel of the tough, marred skin. She swallowed thickly, contemplating how far she might’ve gone to defeat him in that moment.

**“I’m sorry,”** Rey murmured into the night as she gently pressed her palm over his heart. His skin was burning hot, which she found oddly comforting.

**“Don’t be,”** Ben’s low voice insisted at her apology. It was the one mark he didn’t mind so much, because it had come at the hand of a worthy opponent. He also felt that the scar gave him a more intimidating edge that he otherwise lacked.

Rey relaxed as she realized he’d long since forgiven her. Perhaps it was time she considered doing the same for him. She could feel Kylo’s pulse beat in sync with her own, a perfect pace that seemed to resonate within the Force between them. They truly completed one other, and Rey couldn’t help herself; she wanted him. In the most primal and sacred of ways. 

Dropping her hands, Rey reached for her belt, which she quickly unfastened and tossed aside. Her breathing quickened; chest rising and falling heavily in anticipation of what came next. Growing up in the harsh deserts of Jakku had prepared Rey for many things, but _this_ was not one of them. Intimacy was a luxury on this planet, where most of its inhabitants fought long and hard every day just to survive. Rey was in unfamiliar territory and relying purely on instinct at this point, which she seemed to find herself doing a lot in Ben’s company. 

Next was her hair- which she managed to release with relative ease, sending her mid-length chestnut locks into a tousled mess beneath her head. Ben looked on in silent awe and Rey prayed to the maker that he wanted this as much as she did. With a nervous gulp, she reached for her wrappings, untangling herself from the loose fabric that provided her signature look until there was nothing but a thin breast band left clinging to her physique.

Rey knew it was dark, and she knew that she was already entirely exposed to Ben through their unique bond. But now, she was ready to give herself to him- willingly and completely- in a way that she’d never even considered doing with anyone else.

Kylo sensed her eagerness to continue, and as he gazed down upon Rey’s moonlit splendor, he quickly realized that he’d never wanted anything as much as he wanted her now. Yet guilt ate away at the fringes of his mind, knowing he was unworthy of the woman beneath him. He’d once forced his way into the scavenger’s head, and he wasn’t about to force her into anything else.

**“Rey,”** he repeated her name in breathless warning. **“We don’t have to do this.”** It almost pained him to choke the uncomfortable words out, but the last thing Ben wanted was for her to wake tomorrow with any further resentment towards him.

**“I want to,”** she affirmed with a confident nod, gazing deep into the pair of dark eyes looming over her. **“Ben, _please_ ,”** Rey implored in little more than a whisper, winding her hands around his neck and into his hair, as if begging him to take the next step.

Kylo found that he was powerless to deny her much of anything. And the request was simple and sincere enough that he needed no further permission to proceed. 

Ben leaned down until his plush lips crushed hers in a searing, possessive kiss. It wasn’t hasty or desperate, but rather deep and slow and exploratory. It was exhilarating in an entirely different way than before; indicative of the newfound passion burgeoning between them. 

Rey felt as if her entire body had been set aflame, and she was left mystified as to how a simple kiss could make her toes curl in tingling rapture. But the sensation of Ben’s skin against hers was nothing short of invigorating; as if merely touching him infused her with a jolt of foreign energy.

She inhaled, only to find that he smelled ever-so-faintly woodsy; no doubt the lingering hint of cologne now masked by the sweat of their trek through the desert sands. But Rey didn’t mind it in the least. Ben also tasted masculine and mysterious, which made no sense to the rational mind, but perfectly described what she was experiencing as their mouths and bodies melded into one another. 

Senses overwhelmed, Rey whimpered slightly beneath Kylo as she felt him reach down to remove the last of the fabric from her body, exposing her pert breasts to the cool night air. He tossed the article aside impatiently, letting one hand trail slowly down her slim, athletic form until it came to rest upon her rib-cage. He closed his eyes almost meditatively for a moment, finding something calming and incredibly powerful in simply feeling her breathe beneath his fingertips.


End file.
